Wish I could disappear....

Hello dearies, it’s going to be super hot story this week.. I have tried many times to erase this incident unfortunately it is still vivid in my mind. How can people forget their most embarrassing moment in their lives? Well, I have encountered many humiliating moments in my life but this particular one will stay forever, I guess. I have just revealed this to my husband and until today he is still laughing thinking about it. (sigh) Since I was small, I have gone through a lot of humiliation that no one bears to face. Somehow I managed to rise and react as normal human being after being critised in publics for being fat..the most humiliation I have got till this very day( and I am not doing anything about it..sigh), embarrassed by friends and teachers for being stuttering for whole life. But somehow this particular incident has changed me into a person who hates being around public especially BOYS…for a very long time. I can say that this incident has also made me hated boys for a long period of time.

          My mother thought I have got over it but to tell the truth..It did not.. I felt my dignity was ripped off.. People…please do not have wrong perception on this statement. Some may find it humorous but for me it was the day I lost myself actually. It was in 1996.( sounds like a century ago) I was in Form Three and was going to sit for PMR examination. I have enrolled myself for Accounts tuition since I was quite weak in the subject. I hated that subject so much. I had no interest in Science stream so I enrolled myself in Arts Stream which was discouraged by my teachers and brothers. Due to my lack of the art of wise decision making, I had dumped myself in a tough situation where nothing I learnt in class entered my brain especially Accounts. My teacher advised me on taking extra tuition class as my result was really a disaster On this particular day, I was late as I had the habit of taking naps in the afternoon. The class started at 4.00 in the evening, so I took a short nap which turned out to be a long sleep. I got up at quarter past 4 and I was rushing to the tuition centre like a mad person. When I reached there, I realized that the class has started and everyone’s eyes were settled on me. I felt really embarrassed as my face was very obvious that I had just got up from bed. Everyone had the cynical smile on me but however the boys burst out laughing and I was wondering what was so funny until they had to laugh in that way. I quickly settled down at the back of the class and was concentrating on the lesson. However, the boys kept on giggling and smiling looking at me. I was furious and gave a stare at them but they kept on giggling. It made me angry and I had to warn them to keep quiet as I felt really uncomfortable with their reactions.

Throughout the lesson, I felt awkward as I felt eyes were staring at me. It made felt remorseful throughout the day. Once the lesson was over, the boys were teasing me and calling me names which I do not wish to say. Very absurd and vulgar anyway and I was horrified to hear those words. I waited for those indecent boys to leave but somehow there was this one good looking Punjabi boy waited for them to leave and sat back. Only a friend of mine, the boy and myself were in the class. Out of bloom, the boy just said..Helo Miss… Baju awak koyak lah..( Hello miss, your shirt is torn.) At the moment I felt goose bumps all over me and I felt blood rushing to my face and my face turned red. 

my exact reaction at that time

He was a gentleman as once he told me that, he quickly left the class so that I could do something with my T-shirt. I was wearing a worn out T-shirt and I didn’t realize it was torn from the armpit until the waist length. I was sweating and felt so embarrassed as I had never gone through this humiliation and being told by the most hottest guy in the class made it worst(sigh). I refused to get out from the class but was persuaded by my friends to leave as the boys have left the tuition centre earlier. I waited an hour and rode my bicycle as fast as I can to reach home. I cried all the way and when I reached, I told my mother about the incident. As usual, they had a good laugh too. I sulked and stayed in the room and was recalling the incident and examining how big the hole was and was experimenting the incident from different angles whether the boys have seen my body parts that no girls want to show. To make things worst, I had worn an inner which is bright in colour and then I realized they were actually mentioning the colour that I have worn. I felt like hitting my head on the wall. I felt like going to other planet just to hide myself. But, I guessed it was too late.

 I stopped going for tuition after that as I couldn’t bear to face the mean boys. I hated going to school by bus as some of the boys go to school together with me in the same bus. I had persuaded my brother to pick me up every day and I had to bribe him every single day to pick me up.

Later, things were cooled down but I was still tormented by the incident. I hated talking to the boys as I felt very uncomfortable talking while looking at their faces. Until today, I still feel embarrassed thinking about the incident and always wanted to change my identity and my face(haha). Coincidence, I met the Punjabi guy the last time I went back home, in a supermarket, he gave me a big grin. I smiled and wondered what was the big grin for?????(sigh).